Struggling to find Hope in The Middle of your Mess. Find Healing and Hope.
Applying these principles to pull you out of your mess.
I’ve been there and let me tell you what I learned during the season of pain.
Written By – Tracy Mock
Frustrated in your season and struggling to visualize hope? I’ve been there let me tell you about one of the hardest seasons so far glancing back and what I’ve learned.
As I looked back into the season and I would merely think about it, I could feel it in my body at a core level. It actually pained me. I wanted to fix myself in my relationships and release the grief that I caused myself and others. I should have listened. I felt as if I would have just quit the season, maybe it would have been better. Then parts of me I knew I was right. I didn’t want to leave. It was just a plain old mess! Part of it was me, and I own that. The other parts of it I really didn’t know what to do. I needed to get back to dreaming again.
Hope deferred making the heart sick,
but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12
Identifying the Problem
The season was like a gigantic boat that had many holes in it and was sinking. Figuring out where each hole was and fixing it correctly was key. I understood a band-aid approach on it or put my head down in the sand and ignore it because it would sink. This process was painful because I had never done it before. Anytime you do something new, recognize you will always have resistance within yourself and in the organization. It’s not a bad thing, it’s simply different. Teaching your team how to flow within resistance is key to holding grace and peace with each other.
What did I learn?
Do not help others unless they ask for it. Co-dependency is an actual learned mechanism. Not recognizing that I was co-dependent in the season, I believed everyone needed me. I wanted to help. Fix everything that was wrong.
Identify the Good about myself in this season?
Super brave.
Strong.
Intelligent.
Allow others to fail
Allowing myself to fail
Recondnizing it is actually a sign, a growing not failure.
Learn to celebrate each win, even if it is tiny.
What did I need?
I needed to be backed up.
I need it supported
Loved and Compassion
Help x 7 (LOL)
Not questioned or doubted by those around me.
I needed a buffer
I needed someone to implement the tools to my team to soften the direction oh, the change, the resistance, and to implement with joy and celebration.
Implementation:
I needed someone to come alongside and help guide the process.
What did I need to hear?
Good job! You do tough jobs well. Thank you! I needed someone to believe in me verbally, emotionally supporting, and someone to just say it’s okay to breathe right now.
What did I need to let go of?
I need to let go of the past failures and disappointments. I needed to forgive myself, not knowing how to move forward, and not being grace-filled in my language towards myself and others. I need you to let go of the guilt, the shame, and the powerlessness that went along with it.
FORGIVENESS LOOKED LIKE THIS
I need to forgive myself for:
- Going back to unhealthy situations
- Self-sabotaging
- Not leaving sooner
- Judging
- Not being perfect
- Holding a grudge
- Not trying harder
- Betraying my values
- Risking my peace
- Not always being my best self
- Not speaking up when I had the chance
- Repeating the same mistakes
- Using words to hurt others
- Knowing better and not acting in your knowing
Self-forgiveness is a way to love yourself through your mess. You won’t get it right all the time. And that’s okay and normal. Practice forgiving yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
I’ve heard it said the act of un-forgiveness is giving up the residency of someone else inside of you. The act of forgiveness does not acknowledge it’s okay what they did to you or what you did to yourself. But it allows liberation and freedom inside of you to realize the life you were always intended.
Learn to Depend on God:
My path appeared lopsided in the season. Learning it’s okay to recognize that you need help. Help comes in many forms in a person, a place or thing. My reliance in this season to hear and know that I heard God’s voice and following peace was insurmountable, full of
hope and help. When things got complicated I would quote “My trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding, Tracy Mock. In all your ways acknowledge Him. Then he will make your path straight.”
RESOURCES:
I was never so grateful for the brilliant books and people that came alongside of me to help me understand how to enter the season. I was especially thankful for the surprise phone calls, text and coffee dates where people will come alongside of me and believe in me during this tough season. They loved me and I love them back. We are people better designed for connection, not isolation.
What I was thankful for:
Reconding what needed to be fixed and our systems developed. Recognizing that you either have a people problem or a system’s problem, it’s not personal. I’m thankful that everything is fixable. I’m thankful for the a new freedom, the new path that I’m on, helping individuals, and families. I’m thankful for what I know now and no one can take that from me.
THE IS HOPE AVAILABLE
One thing that I wish I had along the way was an experienced guide.
There’s nothing greater than having the honor of somebody coming alongside you help you get to where you need to go. Recognizing the particulars that you need to let go. Learn to view them differently. Grow insurmountably. Develop the skills within you to get you there.
Then empower you to go and do.
GET SUPER BRAVE
Allow me to come alongside of you and find your inner courage. Get Brave! Come Alive! View things differently! Apply strategic and find solutions that work for you and countless others.
